Happy Birthday Dick Van Dyke!

Emotionally, I'm about 13.

I'm a very neat person.

In the best of all worlds, the producers would take some responsibility for the kinds of things they're putting out. Unfortunately, they don't.

My maternal grandfather owned a grocery store that also sold kosher meat. He did well.

I didn't even start dancing until I was in my thirties, and it was like flying.

I love musicals, but I find it's just so deadening. You know, 30 takes, you do a little piece here and a little piece there. There's hours and hours of waiting. And to me, that's as far away from real performance as you can get.

In Bernie Sanders, I see a man saying that the emperor has no clothes while everyone around him insists they see clothes. Whether or not he makes it to the White House, I hope and pray that everyone hears the alarm he is sounding now; it may be the last voice we ever hear.

Somebody sent me a British magazine listing the 20 worst dialects ever done in movies. I was No. 2, with the worst Cockney accent ever done. No. 1 was Sean Connery, because he uses his Scottish brogue no matter what he's playing.

It's more in my nature to be optimistic, I think. I'm one of those people who gets up on the right side of the bed in the morning.

Pandering to the scandal hungry public is a total lack of responsible journalism.

Everyone should dance. And everyone should sing. People say, 'Well, I can't sing.' Everybody can sing. That you do it badly is no reason not to sing.

My memory's not too good.

I have a beautiful, young wife who sings and dances, so there's a lot of duetting going on at my house.

As for my studies in school, I was a solid student. I was strong in English and Latin, but I got lost anytime the subject included math. I wish I had paid more attention to biology and science in general, subjects that came to interest me as an adult. I could have gotten better marks, but I never took a book home, never did homework.

Once you're dead, your worries are over.

Television's going, as far as I'm concerned, downhill, and I'm an anachronism.

A lot of actors seem to dislike typecasting these days. The funny thing is, that's a fairly recent development. It used to be that actors wanted to be typecast so audiences could remember them and identify with them.

Dick Martin was a good buddy, and he was always a lot of fun to have around.

I got into a Broadway show before I ever sang and danced. I learned how after I got in the show.

I'm the Steven Spielberg of Malibu.

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey.

I love to harmonize.

I married somebody half my age, and everybody thought I was crazy, but she is just an absolute angel.

The years have been just full of surprises for me, and a lot of fun.

So at 16 I got a job at the local radio station. And I was working after school and weekends. I did the news; I did everything. I did - played records.

I was born in the Coolidge administration. Can you believe that? So I've seen a lot of politics.

All of us involved say 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' was the best five years of our lives. We were like otters at play.

I swim, go to the gym, and do a little dancing every day and a little singing.

Today, if you're not an alcoholic, you're nobody.

It's quite hard to act yourself all the time.

I learned everything that I know about comedy and about show business and a lot about life from Carl.

My life has been a magnificent indulgence.

A lot of violence, a lot of gore in it, and I just didn't want to do that kind of thing.

The American people hit the streets and did something that the government wouldn't do: the Civil Rights Act. It didn't go down well with the corporate world.

I don't have any children; I have four middle-aged people.

'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' was a movie that I repeatedly turned down. The movie's producer, Albert 'Cubby' Broccoli, known for his tight-fisted control of the James Bond movie franchise, desperately wanted to re-team Julie Andrews and me after the success we'd enjoyed with 'Mary Poppins.'

I don't think we've got much of a chance to tell you the truth. But our main problem is our audience skews a little older than most shows, and I don't think our people can stay up that late. I certainly can't.

I never even had a bachelorhood: I went straight from my parents' home to a marriage.

I grew up in Danville, Illinois, right in the middle of the state.

My wife didn't like Hollywood or its stars, but she made an exception when, in 1972, we were invited to dinner - cooked by Frank Sinatra.

I have four children and I have seven grandkids.

I was 5 years old when the stock market crashed; I lost everything.

I never made a good movie.

The Horny Toad in Cave Creek has great food. When I'm in Arizona, I have at least one meal there. I have a daughter who lives out there, and Dee Dee Wood, who was the choreographer on 'Mary Poppins,' lives out there. I still get out there once in a while, but not in the summer.

I think most people will tell you that. They can go along and, while they're denying that they are addicted, say it's stress this, it's this, it's that. But I - it's - I think - I really believe there is a gene. Some people become addicted and others don't.

I'm crazy about Judi Dench.

I turned down some movies that were quite good. mainly on the basis of taste.

I never had a lot of confidence in myself.

I was always in show business but in many ways was not really of show business. I didn't move in show business circles, particularly, still don't do it.

I've always thought if I could pick my interviewer, it'd be Charlie Rose, who I think is the best.

My kids are so much better parent than I was.

I have a lot of friends who say that one of the freedoms of being older is you don't care what other people think, which I don't think is right. You care what other people think, but if you're comfortable in your own skin, that doesn't bother you.

My son Barry, of course, has been on from the beginning. And his son Shane is playing now a med student regularly on the show. And at one point or another, I've had all four of his kids on the show.

Working with my son was like falling off a log. I had so much fun doing it.

Oh, I had an idea for a pilot of my own at the time, and then Carl sent me about eight scripts and simply I threw my idea out the window because the writing was just so good.

I pay attention to the news. I take the 'New York Times.' I do the Saturday crossword.

Oh, well, my first love is comedy or singing and dancing.

My father made about $25 a week. We always lived just on the edge.

Probably one of the happiest moments, outside the birth of all of my kids, was the first time we won an Emmy, that the show won an Emmy. That was a big night.

I've always wanted to learn kick boxing.

So as my kids will tell you, they had a pretty normal life.

I cannot live alone.

So I think we're kind of an alternate choice for people who have had it with sex and violence.

I don't think parents can protect their kids in this media-nut culture.

Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad.

There are no more Walt Disneys anymore.

You know, I'm almost out of the habit of watching episodic television now.

As wonderful as they were, my parents didn't teach me anything about self-discipline, concentration, patience, or focus. If I hadn't had a family myself, I probably never would've done anything. Marriage taught me responsibility.

I like 'The Office.' I particularly like the British version with Ricky Gervais. Of course, I liked the 'Seinfeld' show a lot. I thought that was an awfully good show.

The thing I'm most proud of is my family, the way they've turned out.

When I started having kids, I thought, 'I don't want to do anything they can't watch.'

The first time I met Mary Tyler Moore, I thought she was just beautiful, but I thought she was a little young.

I've had a lot of writers, in particular, who said they got into writing because of the 'Van Dyke Show.' They said it looked like fun.

All that nipping and tucking doesn't make you look younger - only stranger.

I played a killer twice. Once on 'Matlock,' on Andy Griffith's show, I got to play the killer.

I'm not cantankerous.

I was lucky to get the kinds of parts I wanted. I always said I didn't want to do anything my kids can't see.

Just knowing you don't have the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn - and those are all good things.

I've won several Emmys, a Tony and a Grammy, so maybe somebody will let me have an Oscar, and then I'll have a full set.

I'm an old, white-haired guy. If I'm not recognized, I'm treated pretty much like every other elderly. But if people recognize me, it's a whole different thing.

My favorite unknown movie is 'The Comic.'

There are no sure answers, only better questions.

'Mary Poppins' was one of the best experiences of my life.

When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late '40s.

When I auditioned for 'Bye Bye Birdie' on Broadway, Gower Champion said, 'You've got the job!' I said, 'Mr. Champion, I can't dance.' He said, 'We'll teach you what you need to know.'

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

Rob Petrie is who I really am - in personality and general ineffectiveness.

That rule about having to act one's age? I just don't buy it.

I worked nightclubs all through my 20s, and I was a teetotaler.

I'm kind of proud of being a love child.

Do you know that I was the anchor on the 'CBS Morning Show?' And my newsman was Walter Cronkite.

For some reason, as time gets short in life, wasting time escaping through entertainment bothers me.

I watch 'Al Jazeera.' They have news that you can't find anywhere else. They do great documentaries, too.

Unfortunately, the spouses of performers have a terrible, terrible life. They get shunted aside, pushed aside, ignored.

I'm always announcing my retirement. I'm still not retired.

Every morning I have something to do, I'm better off. It's bad to get up and not have something to do.

I found out retirement means playing golf, or I don't know what the hell it means. But to me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.

Divorce is something that I never dreamed would happen to me. But it did.

Jon Stewart kills me. I love him. And Bill Maher. He does an hour on HBO. But entirely political. It is awfully rough, but he does make me laugh.