Happy Birthday Pernell Roberts!

I was teaching a Sunday school class at one of the churches in Waycross, Georgia, where I grew up. And the lesson dealt with equality and all of us being one under the eyes of God. All of a sudden it hit me!! This isn`t true! The church was - is- the most segregated place one day a week there is in our country. And it`s so ironical and so tragic that here`s a philosophy which preaches and teaches human understanding and brotherly love and practices, in essence, the most vicious form of human relationship there is.

I had six seasons of playing the eldest son on that show. Six seasons of feeling like a damned idiot, going around -- me, like a middle-aged teenager, saying, `Yes, Pa,` `No, Pa` on cue. It was downright disgusting -- such dialogue for a grown man. I felt I wasn`t being taken seriously as an actor, and that`s like death to one`s talent...Stuck as Adam Cartwright, I was only able to use about one-tenth of my ability.

I`m never satisfied with my own work.

There are times when I think we almost manage to transcend our constant lack of good scripts, proper rehearsal and all the other things that bug a man in this business.... Everything on TV is that monster, compromise.... Let's face it, Bonanza could be really good if the powers-that-be cared enough to make it that way.

Isn't it just a bit silly for three adult males to get father's permission for everything they do? I haven't grown at all since the series began four years ago. I have an impotent role. Everywhere I turn, there's the father image.

I've never been career oriented. Did I even want to be a star? What's a star? Is that something in the heavens? That's the only definition that comes to my mind. And the most important goals in my life have been to move gently to be at ease with the mystery of what it's all about.

As we get older, we become more political in terms of survival. We realize a certain amount of cunning is necessary and that you just end up in a victim when you are totally honest in an environment where those around you aren't. It's a matter of remaining true to yourself while continuing to move forward. It's also a matter of learning to keep control of one's balance.

 I've seen it all before. A hundred times before. Actors on their way up. Actors coasting. It was the same 20 years ago as today.

I distinguished myself by flunking out of college three times.