Happy Birthday Robin Williams!

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

 

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' 

 

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

 

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

Comedy is acting out optimism.