Happy Birthday Aron Eisenberg!

Maybe so. But I can't think of anyone I'd rather do nothing with than you.

A guidebook?

You mean it'll teach me how to attract Human females?

Father, have you ever heard of the Bell riots?

But doesn't this Gabriel Bell Human look just like Captain Sisko?

As a Starfleet cadet it's my duty to report any violation of Federation law to my superiors immediately. But then again, I haven't been sworn in yet. I'll take ten percent!

I think it's called tobacco. It's a deadly drug. When used frequently, it destroys the internal organs.

It's also highly addictive.

They buy it in stores.

The first landing parties will arrive here.

Here, right by this blue blob.

No, not Cleveland. Right here!

Maybe. But I like 'em.

The Vault of Eternal Destitution?

Don't you people have laws against this kind of thing?

One more thing. How do we know that's really Moogie and not a changeling?

No, you're not. This is the eighth run-through, and you haven't been able to hit a single Jem'Hadar.
And you shot Moogie!

You couldn't ambush a Bolian if he was blindfolded and tied to a tree!

You don't pay your soldiers to do their duty!

No, I meant you should call me 'Sir'.

You mean 'Don't be ridiculous, Sir'.

In a half-hour, we'll have Moogie back and we can all go home.

Well, there's no doubt about it. According to these readings, this man is dead.

He tried to warn you, Uncle Quark. You should've listened to him.

According to Ferengi bylaws, section 105, subparagraph 10: "Upon reaching adulthood, Ferengi males must purchase an apprenticeship from a suitable role model." I choose you.

That's right. I want to be the first Ferengi in Starfleet! Now, who do I see about getting a uniform?

I want to join Starfleet. I want it more than anything I've ever wanted in my life!

I don't care about profit!

Because I don't want to end up like my father!

That's right, my father. He's been chasing profit his whole life. And what has it gotten him? Nothing! And you know why? Because he doesn't have the lobes. And neither do I.

My father is a mechanical genius. He could've been chief engineer of a starship if he'd had the opportunity. But he went into business, like a good Ferengi. The only thing is, he's not a good Ferengi - not when it comes to acquiring profit. So now, all he has to live for, is the slim chance that someday, somehow, he might be able to take over my uncle's bar. Well, I'm not going to make the same mistake. I want to do something with my life, something worthwhile.

I may not have an instinct for business; but I have my father's hands and my uncle's tenacity. I know I've got something to offer. I just need the chance to prove it. 

Happy Birthday! May all your dreams come true!
I have been, and always shall be, your fan.
Live long and prosper!